


Tim Drake's feelings and how he deals with it :)

by Project_End



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Mentions of Suicide, Tim Drake Angst, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Tim Drake is a duck, Tim Drake-centric, if you get triggered pls dont read
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:13:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25991143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project_End/pseuds/Project_End
Summary: Tim Drake. The kid who didn’t talk the most, but was known for his popularity. That cool, popular kid that stood up for the helpless ones. Robin. He was athletic, but not a jerk. So, naturally, he was one of the hardest kids to categorise. At least he used to.That was when he didn’t have to worry about demons and anti-heroes trying to kill him. When he wasn’t apart of the Wayne Family. Back when Tim promised himself to become a regular civilian, rather than continuing being a hero after Robin. But nothing went as planned. And Tim hates himself for that.orTim Drake has depression and his family finds (sort of) and he needs the support. Some things are let into the light :)
Comments: 29
Kudos: 156





	1. In Tim's mind...

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyooo....this is my first fic so pls be nice :))

Tim Drake. The kid who didn’t talk the most, but was known for his popularity. That cool, popular kid that stood up for the helpless ones. Robin. He was athletic, but not a jerk. So, naturally, he was one of the hardest kids to categorise. At least he used to. 

That was when he didn’t have to worry about demons and anti-heroes trying to kill him. When he wasn’t apart of the Wayne Family. Back when Tim promised himself to become a regular civilian, rather than continuing being a hero after Robin. But nothing went as planned. And Tim hates himself for that. 

On some days, he regrets all his decisions leading up to this point of his life. He wonders, what would have happened if he never became Robin? Would Jack still be alive? Would his dad be here with him? When Tim thinks like this, he blames himself. Maybe if he hadn’t become Robin again, just like his father wanted, he wouldn’t have regretted so many things.

Maybe once, his parents would be proud of him. 

Then again, he doesn’t have his hopes up high. He’s Tim goddamn Drake. Everything that could go wrong will go wrong. He’s living proof of that. He imagines a world without Robin, Red Robin and the Waynes. And without them, he wouldn’t have all the allies and the friends.

But the tragedy he’s experienced. All those lonely nights, him being alone on all those Christmases when he was a kid. Tim remembers his first holiday with the Waynes. It was magical. The house was lit up with Christmas ornaments, the tree that was surrounded with presents. It was something that Tim had never had before. The people around him were happy. And for once, he was ecstatic.

His parents never gave him the time of day. They were always so busy, and Tim hated that. 

All those times where Tim would spend sleepless nights, being at the top of his class, just to make Jack and Janet proud. Just to give them the satisfaction, ease at the back of their minds knowing their son wasn’t as big of a disappointment as they thought.

And when Tim finally realised that they don’t care and will never, he gave up. He didn’t understand why he put in so much effort into something that no one cared of. His grades dropped. He went from the top to the bottom. No, he wasn’t failing anything. He just didn’t put in as much effort. 

But even if he wanted to put in as much effort as he used to, Robin took up too much time. He was out every night, putting his life on the line, and he loved it. It gave Tim a sense of purpose. 

Maybe that was wrong of him. Tim Drake didn’t deserve being Robin. Dick Grayson, Jason Todd and Damian Wayne did. They’ve all been in rough spots. Dick lost his parents in the most gruesome way possible. Jason lived on the streets, his mother and father- drug- addicts that lead him to his death. Damian grew up as an assassin. He had to kill anything and everything that got into his way of fulfilling his destiny.

What about Tim? He grew up in a big house with everything his ‘brothers’ could have imagined. He didn’t have to struggle at all. His parents paid for everything. They gave him all that money could offer, leaving out one thing that money could not buy. Love. 

It was something that Tim had only gotten from the Waynes- but just for a little while before they remembered that Tim didn’t deserve any love. It was tiring, having to keep up the act. Tim understood that. One of Jason’s nicknames for Tim is Pretender for a reason.  
Pretender, Replacement, Drake- they call him whatever they want, and Tim can’t do anything about it. And it frustrates him that no one gives two shits or ever give it a second thought, hey, that isn’t right!

They call him that because Damian and Jason both know that the Tim everyone knows and loves is a fake. And they don’t mind telling everyone else that. It was something that Tim had been trying him very best to hide, and it just makes him so mad that people like them can spot something that Tim had sacrificed himself for, with so much ease.

And every time Tim thinks that this is going to be alright, it’ll be over soon, something happens. Something comes up in his life and ruins everything. Life comes over to his house and smacks Tim in the face and kills everyone he loves.

Tim doesn’t want to live like this anymore. He’s tired of seeing everyone gone. He hates the fact that he can, and will never be able to change it because no matter what he does, nothing goes right. Tim hates being alone. It scares him, knowing that if he didn’t do something now, he might lose everyone forever. No take-backs. No resurrection. 

He stares out of his window. The sky was clear enough to see the stars and the moon. It was a beautiful night- a rare sight in Gotham. All these thoughts were going through his mind all at once. It hurt. Tears threatened to spill as he once again thought about how everyone he loved dies. 

Tim knows he’s got depression. He just doesn’t realise it’s that bad. Bad enough for him to contemplate suicide. He starts shaking when the voices in his head ask, Why not?

Why not? Why doesn’t he do it? Is he too much of a coward to do it? Why is he hesitating? He’s been asking himself this question for years now. So why is he having second thoughts?

Tim knows that he isn’t a Wayne. Legally he is, but emotionally? Not in the slightest. All Tim wants is to have a family that cares. They might deny it and tell Tim every single day that he belongs, he’ll listen. Tim will listen and try to believe. But somehow, he knows it’s not true.

Because the voices in his head keep reminding him that they’re lying because Tim’s not worth it, why do you think Jack and Janet spent as little time with him as they possibly could? Tim knows that he’s not with a penny because he runs the math. Tim’s just there to help the family get through with the tough times. He’s temporary. 

Back when he was Robin, even a small little compliment, or a pat on the back or even a simple little ‘good job, Tim,” was enough to make his day. And it still does, because Tim Drake thrives for attention. He lives to be noticed by people, to be worthy of their time and not be a nuisance. 

That’s how his parents screwed Tim up.


	2. Dick's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick knew what he had done was wrong, and he spends hours, just thinking about what he could have done differently. A path that didn’t hurt Tim, a way that didn’t destroy his little brother. He knows that Tim cries himself to sleep on most nights, but Dick doesn’t know how to help. 
> 
> He’s seen the signs, and Dick’s worried. He’s afraid that he doesn’t do something now; he might not ever see Tim again. And it kills him to know that. 
> 
> OR
> 
> Dick's POV on Tim's depresso

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im on a rollllllllllllllllllllllll you can't stop me now bish

Dick knew what he had done was wrong, and he spends hours, just thinking about what he could have done differently. A path that didn’t hurt Tim, a way that didn’t destroy his little brother. He knows that Tim cries himself to sleep on most nights, but Dick doesn’t know how to help. 

He’s seen the signs, and Dick’s worried. He’s afraid that he doesn’t do something now; he might not ever see Tim again. And it kills him to know that. 

Whenever Tim comes over to the Manor, Dick tries to engage. He tries his best to be there for his Timmy. But every time he suggests something that they can do together, to re-establish their broken relationship, to get Tim to trust him again, Tim raids him with excuses.

A Teen Titans mission, an opened case with limited time to complete, so many. But then again, it isn’t always Tim that can’t make it. Sometimes it’s Dick’s fault. He gets too caught up in the vigilante business that he forgets that he sets these dates with Tim.

And he hurts him some more. Dick goes to everyone he knows for advice. Some kind of guide on how to fix broken relationships. He’s followed everything that he’s been told. Nothing seems to be working, and if anything, it’s making things worse.

Dick’s desperate. He wants Tim to be able to look him in the eye for more than a few seconds before having to look away. He doesn’t want to be a reminder to Tim of everything he’s lost because Dick knows how badly he hurt Tim. He practically replaced him. No- not practically. He stripped Tim away from Robin, just as he was told that Robin was the only thing keeping his little brother sane. 

Jason yelled at him, telling him how he chose one brother over another and that it said a lot about his character. He tried to defend himself, saying that Damian needed Robin, but they both knew that it wasn’t necessarily true. 

Damian was a spoiled brat. Dick only encouraged it by giving him Robin and not letting him earn it as Tim had. Honestly, Dick knew in the very slightest how Tim feels about the situation because he’s had his loved ones die, and he’s had his fair share of trauma.

But Tim was something else. He’s had plenty die on him: his parents, Kon, Bart, Bruce, and even Dick. Heck, Tim’s the only guy in the Wayne family that hadn’t been declared dead for a little while. Apart from Alfred, of course. 

Dick feels like a horrible brother.

That night during patrol, Red Robin was a no show. Apparently, Tim had asked Red Hood to cover his route for a few nights and Jason didn’t say anything. That pissed Dick off.

“What the hell, Hood?” Nightwing yelled at Jason as he landed on the rooftop next to him. Jason snorted, looking unbothered. “What do you want, Goldie?’

He knew how to get under Dick’s skin. “What didn’t you tell anyone that Red gave you his routes?!” The man just rolled his eyes and placed his hand on his gun to warn the bird. “I didn’t think it was worth mentioning. God, why do you even care?”

Dick glared at him. Of course, he would care, he was Tim’s brother and deserved to know things like this.  
“I-” “Save it, Nightwing,” Hood said his name like it was a curse. That hurt. “Since when do you even care about what Red does?”

“That’s hardly fair-!”   
“To who, Dick? You or Tim?! You have a lot of nerve for someone who’s at fault here!”

That shut Dick up. He felt guilty about what happened to Tim. Everyone knows it’s his fault. It’s Dick Grayson’s fault that Tim Drake was a lost cause, and everyone hates him for it. No one can put it pass their minds that Dick stripped Tim away from Robin and left him with nothing. He’s the sole reason that Tim can never trust anyone again and Dick hates himself for that. 

Jason stares the man down. He sees how his brother immediately looked upset as soon as the words exited his mouth. He mentally groaned, knowing he had gone too far. Red Hood watches Nightwing slowly sit on the ground looking exhausted. Jason feels a little sorry for the man.

As Jason plopped down next to Dick, he noticed, tears started to fill his eyes. Crap, he thought, well I fucked up badly, didn’t I?

“Look, Dickie, I know why you did it,” Jason faced his brother, “You were just trying to help the brat, and you felt terrible about his being an assassin and shit. You thought that Tim would understand. But obviously not.”

Jason looked at his older brother straight in the eye. “You broke Tim, Dick-wad. You need to fix this shit before it’s too late. M’kay?” 

Dick knew he was right. He fucked up pretty badly. No- worse, he did break his brother. Without even realizing it, Dick Grayson, Robin 1, the big brother everyone wants, fucked up. He was a horrible brother. Damian never really needed Robin. He needed people to love and care for him. He needed a family.

Not Robin. Robin was never a necessity. Dick thought it was, though he was far from right. Tim, on the other hand, needed Robin but Dick was as blind as a bat from Bruce’s death. In his eyes, Robin was the only answer for Damian. 

Why is always Tim that has to suffer? He’s the only one who’s had to watch everyone of his family die, and some of them don’t even come back. Dick had heard stories from the Young Justice and the Teen Titans about the scary stunts Tim had pulled over the years. 

The solo missions, that spat he had with the League of Assassins, the death faking. The scary stuff that Bruce would have freaked out if he’d known. But that wasn’t the scary part. Dick found it absolutely mortifying that he had to find out by listening in from a conversation between Kon and Bart. Why hadn’t they told him in the first place? They used to tell the Bats everything. 

Part of Dick wanted to confront the two boys, demanding to know why Tim did these things, why he was reckless on patrol and placed himself in mortal danger every other night?

He wanted to know why Tim did all these things, and he wanted to hear it from his brother, not from anyone else before it was too late. Before Tim did something that Dick would hate himself for, and forever carry the burden of Tim’s death. Maybe it wasn’t too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me how i did so i have motivation to continue lol :3


	3. Jason's Story with little Tim Drake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jason first heard the name, Tim Drake, it made him angry. He wasn’t exactly sure why. He was mad that Tim had replaced him, and all he wanted to do was to kill him. But that feeling had died down a little when he was watching Bruce and Tim coming back to the cave one night.
> 
> or
> 
> A little incident happens and helps Jason realize that he doesn't hate Tim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I AM BACK WITH A HORRIDLY WRITTEN CHAPTER <33

When Jason first heard the name, Tim Drake, it made him angry. He wasn’t exactly sure why. He was mad that Tim had replaced him, and all he wanted to do was to kill him. But that feeling had died down a little when he was watching Bruce and Tim coming back to the cave one night.

The Batmobile was speeding through the city and Tim was following it. He heard from around the street that Batman got gassed by Scarecrow, and that was never good. Being gassed with that shit makes you see things that you hide from everyone else. All you see are your worst fears.

That was why Jason was here, keeping an eye on his scared father, half-wondering what he feared the most. Was it the night he lost his parents? Or when he lost Jason?

Thankfully, Red Hood was close enough to hear what they were yelling about. It was mainly Alfred and his replacement communicating through the comms, just like they used to do when he was Robin. He wished things like that never changed. He wishes he never had gone to Ethiopia and got himself killed.

Just to see his mother that would see her son to Gotham’s most upper-class villain. The Joker. The one who blew Jason up. 

The Red Hood watches the duo closely. Even if, in Bruce’s eyes he seemed like he didn't care for the older man, but he did. It would hurt so much that if something bad had happened to him, and Jason wasn’t there to witness it because of his ego.

“Alfred!” He heard Tim yell, “We’re coming in!” 

Good, Jason thought, The faster they get into the cave, the faster I can get home. 

But he somehow knew that he wasn’t going home tonight. It was something about the scared and vulnerable look that Bruce had on his face that frightened Jason.

And before he knew it, he heard yelling that snapped him back to reality. As he turned back to Batman and Robin, he saw Bruce yank Tim from his bike and started to straight-up yell at the helpless boy whilst accidentally choking him.

Oh, no.

“Jason!” He yelled. “Why did you come back there?!” Jason froze. What? Could he see him up here? He then realized he was yelling at... Tim? 

“Batman?!” His replacement sounded bewildered, “No! B-Batman! It’s not Jason! It’s me! Tim! Tim Drake!”

Oh. Scarecrow’s gas. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. His eyes widened at the scared boy, just barely holding onto his own life. “A-Alfred…” Tim croaked, his face turning pale. Jason quickly logging into the Bat’s comms to hear Alfred.

“-my lord! Master Timothy!”  
“B-blow the roof….”  
“Master Timothy?! I can’t hear you!”

Jason wanted to yell for Tim, but he couldn’t find his voice. He was too much of a coward to help someone whom he considered an enemy. It was his fault that Tim almost lost his life that night.

Tim's energy was draining. It was almost impossible to yell when you’re being choked by someone’s who’s 2 times your size. Jason watched as the young boy, that he tried to kill on multiple occasions fought against Batman’s killing hands.

“BLOW THE ROOF!”

Red Hood watched as Tim and Bruce getting flung out of the moving Batmobile, just in time for Tim to grab Bruce and throw him into the cave entrance, the car followed them in and cave door closed.

What the hell just happened?

He knew that Bruce had always mourned him when he had died, but to attack Tim like that because he thought he was Jason? That was bad. For once, Jason felt some pity for the kid. How many times had he been mistaken for Jason? So much so that Tim was no longer surprised by it happening? Did his parents really fuck him up that badly?

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After that day, Jason tried his best to tolerate Tim, now that he knew how harsh his reality was. He didn’t see Tim as someone who tried to replace him, but rather someone who took up a responsibility to keep Batman in line, no matter how dangerous his job was. And Jason admired him for that.

The name Replacement was hardly used behind his back anymore, but rather when he was in the room to keep up the facade of ‘fuck off, I still hate you.’

It makes Jason think that, when he was Robin, Dick was a dick to him. He was hardly around because he didn’t like his replacement. He didn’t like the fact that Bruce took in another child to be his partner instead of asking him first. And to make matters worse, they were in hot waters at the time. 

But when Bruce took Jason in, he didn’t have to opportunity to ask if it was alright to take in another because he was fucking dead. God, he sure hates himself now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one especially sucks cuz i forgot abt it and i just finished it lol  
> hope u guys like it cuz i sure dont

**Author's Note:**

> lemme know how i did :>


End file.
